The Bottom Line

In the end you can have planned all the right behavior and learned all the right principles and committed yourself to being good to yourself even when it hurts, but if you do nothing then nothing happens, nothing changes, and you cannot be good to yourself in any way that matters. The bottom line is that you must DO SOMETHING.

In the very United States of America we value a bias toward action. Get up and get moving is the American way. The bias toward action produces some interesting aspects to the national character such as being really good at solving problems, but not so good at defining them. Defining problems does not fit with the bias toward action because an exercise in seeking goal clarity does not feel like the American version of work. So, we expend tremendous amounts of resource solving problems that we don't have or that don't matter while the really important things are ignored. But regardless of the downside to an action bias, remains a strong part of being good to yourself. The key is that the action bias be coupled with showing up, paying attention, adding value, and embracing accountability.

The action bias on its own will only guarantee that something happens. Action taken in a context created by the previously mentioned four other factors not only makes something happen, it makes the right things happen for you and for everyone around you. After all being good to yourself is not just about not turning the gun on yourself, it is about building and sustaining the social support networks that we all need for health and hardiness. Being good to yourself demands that you are also good to others, not because you focus on the others but because you guide your behavior by these principles and not by strategies for manipulation. I have seen many people with extensive social networks gained by working at looking like a friend, but relatively few that earn friendship by honest work at being the best version of themselves that they can be. I guess it is the "work" part that makes the difference.

It does tend to be more work to establish good habits than to continue familiar ones - after all it means change and we know that no one changes behavior just because it is a good idea to do so. There must be some compelling motive. Here you are truly all on your own because you can't go online and find a motive, it must come from inside you. The value of the change must speak to your deepest needs and make you humble enough to become a learner in your own life.

Okay, it isn't easy, but it is simple. That is sort of how the universe works. That which is really important is really simple and really hard for us humans. No matter, we can deal with anything together that makes us impotent as individuals.

He's Back

The next piece of the personal goodness puzzle is the the most difficult for many people to adopt. It is embracing accountability. We are not a really good society for embracing accountability anymore. I think we were at one time. Perhaps in the world that Normal Rockwell drew. There is just so much sense of entitlement these days. Personally I blame the trial lawyers. Many of them make a good living by encouraging people to think in terms of entitlement rather than accountability. I would like the trial lawyers to have a stronger sense of ethics about what you actually take to court. They seem to be consumed with chasing chances to impoverish one person to enrich another along with themselves. I do know that I could never win an argument over this point with a good trial lawyer, but I have the feeling nonetheless. After all, aren't we entitled to a legal profession that serves as the first line of defense against silly litigation? Just kidding.

In reality the responsibility for choosing accountability over entitlement is a personal one. Each of us has the job of making reasonable sense of life for ourselves without seeking to hurt others. Embracing accountability in life is the most self-affirming thing that a person can do. Accountable people are seldom victims. Entitled people are always victims. Victims have no healthy source of personal power. (Before you freak out, I do recognize that there is such a thing as a legitimate victim. A person hit by a car in a crosswalk with a walk sign lit is probably a victim. He or she did nothing to create their victimness. If there were no crosswalks or signs perhaps crossing the street unarmed would constitute encouraging victimness. I hope you get the difference.) Accountable people have power because authority goes hand-in-hand with accountability. Embracing accountability gives you the authority you need to meet that accountability. That authority is power in reserve that should be used judiciously to get things done. If you seek no accountability you can have no authority. That means that you cannot be considered the author of solutions or improvements or failures. Successes give us something to support our sense of effectivness. Failures teach important lessons - if we survive them. By the way, you are not entitled to survive your failures. You may be aware that embracing the accountability that goes with being the driver of the car opens the possibility that you might fail and not survive. Embracing accountability for the safety of children can put you in harm's way as they learn what not to do. Embracing accountability can cost you your job if those around you are good at passing blame. So, though it is definitely required for being good to yourself, accountability has a dark side as well. Be accountable if you would be rewarded. Be accountable if you would be recognized for accomplishment. Be accountable if you would be a real person who deserves respect and affection. Next we will cover the last of the five magical ways to be good to yourself. Stay tuned.